Leaving the Mormon Church was like unspooling my faith. When I first joined, I wrapped more religious thread around the roll. It was easy once you made the decision. You were given a specific length and knew just about exactly how far it went. You no longer shopped on Sunday's, you stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine and wore clothes that covered specific parts of your body. Sure, it may have seemed a little unconventional and inconvenient, but over time it became second nature and you always knew where it ended.
When I made the decision that the church wasn't for me, I started to unwind all the extra string. But now that I have started to take away, I'm not sure where to stop. At first, I was sure that I believed in God, then... do I really? Can science explain it all, or is there a deity out there? It is possible that there is a specific God, and the rest of mankind is SOL? or is it more nuanced in that there is a God that just got things going? Maybe there are multiple deities. I have never questioned these things on such a basic level before, and it is almost like a rolling downhill. You start out slow and eventually you speed out of control. The question here is, how do I know when I've gone out of control and, have I already reached or possibly surpassed that point?
I know it may not be the smartest thing to do, but I try not to think about it too much. Despite that, It is always running in the back of my mind. I'll find a resting place for my beliefs someday, but until then it's going to be one hell of a ride.
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